I'm 160 pounds, and (mostly) proud
I was planning on writing a different post today about kid's books, and I will get back to that soon. But I just had a moment, and I need to tell everyone about it.
I'm not a sociologist. I'm not a historian. I'm not a physician or a psychologist. But I am a woman, and I have eyes.
Years ago I was an avid watcher of Bones. I think I stopped watching after the first episode of season 10, because (SPOILER) Lance dies and I just haven't been able to get back into it since. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about Lance, even though he was amazing and perfect and super sweet. There's plenty else to love about the show; female scientists, discussions on love, sex, marriage, and parenthood that are very progressive, and thrillery murder plots, of course.
I loved that show, but one of the scenes that stuck with me for a long, long time was from Season 2, episode 2, Mother and Child in the Bay. The background of the episode isn't important, but when trying to determine who the killer, everyone takes turns stabbing the mannequin. Angela's stabbings are the closest to the real killer, so she is asked her weight.
Brennan: Height and weight?
Angela: Oh god. Uh... 5'8. One hundred and.... [mutters indistinctly]
Brennan: What?
Angela: 135. It's all muscle.
That struck me. Why should Angela be ashamed of how much she weighs? She is 5'8 after all. The ideal weight for women at that height ranges from 126 to 154. I remember glancing around the room, even though I was alone, thinking, god, I'm so fat! Is it embarrassing to weigh more than 130 pounds? I'm 160 pounds, I whispered to myself. Am I disgusting? I also remember wondering to myself if Michaela Conlin actually weighed that much at that time, and how she felt delivering that line.
But you know what? It's none of my business how much she weighs. It's nobody's business how much you weigh.
And this isn't meant to throw Bones under the bus. Reportedly, Emily Deschanel actually asked producers to change a victim's weight in one episode to make it more realistic. But I am still concerned about how women feel about their weight.
If you've spent any time at all on Reddit, you'll see many different subs, some of which include fat-shaming and how it's okay because your health concerns how much you weigh. And is that true? Yeah, we know that obesity is a huge concern for American health, and when scientists talk about obesity, it doesn't mean what most people envision it to be.
For example, I'm proud to say I'm 5'1. I'm a little less proud to say I'm also 160 pounds. I'm definitely in the obese category, and it is important for me to exercise regularly, which is something I struggle with. However, I like my body. This is hard to talk about, because women are supposed to hate our bodies. We're supposed to rely on others to feel good about ourselves, and it is a terrible sin to think you're beautiful. I do not look anything like my mom, and most of the time, our beauty ideals come from our mothers and media. My mother is small, petite, and the only trait I've gotten from her is my hair and my big hips. I have always felt I am too big in comparison to my lithe mother. It has taken a long time, but I finally love my body the way it is. I like my giant bust, and I like my flabby but smallish waist, and I like my big hips. I even like my jiggly thighs. I could do without the cellulite, and yeah, it bothers me when I look in the mirror, but I try to feel gorgeous in my body and appreciate it everyday. I sincerely hope everyone feels that way.
I'm not advocating for anyone to say, "Screw my health!!" and never exercise again. What I would like to see is people feeling beautiful, regardless of what you may have seen on tv, regardless of what you wished was different. What I would like to see is people who love their bodies and want to take care of them by feeding them properly and giving them the exercise they need, neither treating them badly by filling them with unhealthy stuff (though of course, we should do that sometimes. What is life without a bit of chocolate?) or starving them to rein them in. It is important to note that I'm not trying to judge anyone, not even myself. There are many reasons a person may deal with an eating disorder on both sides of the spectrum, and I have no expertise in that area. But I have been the girl who only subsisted on water and a Hershey's bar, day after day, because someone told me I was gaining weight. I have also been the girl that punished my body for not being what I wanted, and I have been the woman that was too busy to eat right and exercise (and hell, sometimes that still is me). I want to be the woman that cares for her body, but not because other people need something pretty to look at. If you need pretty, go look at some art. My body isn't here for you. It's here for me.
I'm not a sociologist. I'm not a historian. I'm not a physician or a psychologist. But I am a woman, and I have eyes.
Years ago I was an avid watcher of Bones. I think I stopped watching after the first episode of season 10, because (SPOILER) Lance dies and I just haven't been able to get back into it since. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about Lance, even though he was amazing and perfect and super sweet. There's plenty else to love about the show; female scientists, discussions on love, sex, marriage, and parenthood that are very progressive, and thrillery murder plots, of course.
I loved that show, but one of the scenes that stuck with me for a long, long time was from Season 2, episode 2, Mother and Child in the Bay. The background of the episode isn't important, but when trying to determine who the killer, everyone takes turns stabbing the mannequin. Angela's stabbings are the closest to the real killer, so she is asked her weight.
Brennan: Height and weight?
Angela: Oh god. Uh... 5'8. One hundred and.... [mutters indistinctly]
Brennan: What?
Angela: 135. It's all muscle.
That struck me. Why should Angela be ashamed of how much she weighs? She is 5'8 after all. The ideal weight for women at that height ranges from 126 to 154. I remember glancing around the room, even though I was alone, thinking, god, I'm so fat! Is it embarrassing to weigh more than 130 pounds? I'm 160 pounds, I whispered to myself. Am I disgusting? I also remember wondering to myself if Michaela Conlin actually weighed that much at that time, and how she felt delivering that line.
But you know what? It's none of my business how much she weighs. It's nobody's business how much you weigh.
And this isn't meant to throw Bones under the bus. Reportedly, Emily Deschanel actually asked producers to change a victim's weight in one episode to make it more realistic. But I am still concerned about how women feel about their weight.
If you've spent any time at all on Reddit, you'll see many different subs, some of which include fat-shaming and how it's okay because your health concerns how much you weigh. And is that true? Yeah, we know that obesity is a huge concern for American health, and when scientists talk about obesity, it doesn't mean what most people envision it to be.
For example, I'm proud to say I'm 5'1. I'm a little less proud to say I'm also 160 pounds. I'm definitely in the obese category, and it is important for me to exercise regularly, which is something I struggle with. However, I like my body. This is hard to talk about, because women are supposed to hate our bodies. We're supposed to rely on others to feel good about ourselves, and it is a terrible sin to think you're beautiful. I do not look anything like my mom, and most of the time, our beauty ideals come from our mothers and media. My mother is small, petite, and the only trait I've gotten from her is my hair and my big hips. I have always felt I am too big in comparison to my lithe mother. It has taken a long time, but I finally love my body the way it is. I like my giant bust, and I like my flabby but smallish waist, and I like my big hips. I even like my jiggly thighs. I could do without the cellulite, and yeah, it bothers me when I look in the mirror, but I try to feel gorgeous in my body and appreciate it everyday. I sincerely hope everyone feels that way.
I'm not advocating for anyone to say, "Screw my health!!" and never exercise again. What I would like to see is people feeling beautiful, regardless of what you may have seen on tv, regardless of what you wished was different. What I would like to see is people who love their bodies and want to take care of them by feeding them properly and giving them the exercise they need, neither treating them badly by filling them with unhealthy stuff (though of course, we should do that sometimes. What is life without a bit of chocolate?) or starving them to rein them in. It is important to note that I'm not trying to judge anyone, not even myself. There are many reasons a person may deal with an eating disorder on both sides of the spectrum, and I have no expertise in that area. But I have been the girl who only subsisted on water and a Hershey's bar, day after day, because someone told me I was gaining weight. I have also been the girl that punished my body for not being what I wanted, and I have been the woman that was too busy to eat right and exercise (and hell, sometimes that still is me). I want to be the woman that cares for her body, but not because other people need something pretty to look at. If you need pretty, go look at some art. My body isn't here for you. It's here for me.
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